Reflecting on old notebooks

a sense of pride


and clarity


Remember the dark nights

they still continue

but without the substance

remember the addiction


Pour it out

split it up

straighten it out

take turns

So quick to indulge

we could feel it in our brains

before we even took it in



We like the feeling

and know it well


Now theres a bit more time

in the world

when you work a bit faster




Remember to breathe


Take a moment before the

next one


next one..

next one..

next one..

wheres the next one?


I’ll get lost in those eyes

and this cocktail if I’m not careful


Painfully beautiful melodies

memories stain my fingertips


What have we become?

Are we really so bad?

….Aren’t we all pretty fucked up anyway?


When will I stop this nonsense.


Circa 2008



Over Exposed

My heart feels over exposed

over sensitive to the elements

loved raw

and left without skin


like my teeth did the time

I used whitening strips

every night

for two weeks

and then accidentally

fell asleep with them in


the next day they were so sensitive

that even a breathe of air

was an uncomfortable

and painful sensation


you had me so convinced

that you were mine

that magic existed

and that everything had finally

fallen in line


Now I have to talk myself

out of bed every morning

talk myself

down the hall

and into the shower

talk myself through

the morning cigarette

and the coffee


talk myself through

the memories of you

when I smell you on my sheets

or find your hairs on my couch

and on my pillows


through the ride to work,

and through each sunset

because i’m afraid of night

now that

I have to talk myself to sleep


Don’t tell your lover that

you love them

if you don’t

someday it will lose all meaning

and how sad for love to hold no weight.


When I look at your hands

I grow weak, 

I can’t look directly 

at you at times

when we speak

or all of my strength 

becomes fleeting


–your eyes like a tide

pulled me in and kept me under–


You’re blinding like the sun

and that smile —

that smile could bring

the whole world to its knees 

stop it dead in its tracks

so distracted and humbled

it’d start spinning 

the opposite direction